Note: Transcript is AI Generated (surprise, surprise) and isn't perfect!
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Speaker 1 (00:00:00) - Welcome to Uncopyable Women in Sales. If you're looking for actionable insights and real world tools to turbocharge your sales starting tomorrow, well, you're in the right place. Your host, Kay Miller, earned the affectionate nickname Muffler Mama when she sold more automotive mufflers than anyone else in the world. In this podcast, Kay will talk to another superstar women in sales as they reveal unstoppable strategies you can use to rack up more leads, snag dream clients, and take your sales numbers through the roof. Stay tuned and get ready to make more sales. And how about this more money?
Speaker 2 (00:00:40) - My guest today is Jasmin Bonkowski. Jasmin helps clients achieve clarity, confidence, and fulfillment by focusing on the subconscious mind. If you're ready to conquer fear and crush your goals, Jasmine is here with tools you can use to live an extraordinary life. Jasmine, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:01:05) - Hi today. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:01:08) - I met you through my husband, Steve, and I think he met you on some type of online program, and it certainly wouldn't be in person because we are in Seattle and you are in Berlin.
Speaker 3 (00:01:21) - I'm not sure that's correct. So.
Speaker 2 (00:01:25) - Technology is really cool because who would have thought, right, that you're in Berlin? And then when you were talking to Steve about your services, that you are a hypnotherapist? Steve and I both ended up working with you for some personal goals, and it was very interesting and effective. So first of all, I would like to hear a little bit about how you got into this field and your history.
Speaker 3 (00:01:52) - Yeah, sure. Let me show you. It's not a normal journey. So when I grew up, I didn't want to become a hypnotherapist. Probably. I didn't even know back then what it was. So I attended a bilingual school. So that's why I was always into languages. did, studies to become European correspondent? Because I wanted to work for the EU or some other organisation, ended up at a German government research institute and worked in it and translations. And I felt that I always was stuck and running off to the elusive work life, harmony, balance, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 3 (00:02:35) - And then on this pursuit, like reading books over books, over books. I met a friend and he introduced me to another friend, and she actually was a hypnotherapist. And she was like, I'll come to my circles. I hold them every Monday. And I was like, super intrigued. Did a Google search first. It was like a hypnosis safe and all the stuff that came up over there, but I was more intrigued than scared. So I went to her circles and she had like meetups where people would work on themselves, how language influences your mind and all this kind of things, and also resolve deep blocks. And that's how I got into it, because I totally loved it. And this was finally the missing piece that wasn't in the books.
Speaker 2 (00:03:19) - So that's quite a shift from it to hypnotherapy. But you said that you, you used hypnotherapy to help you with some of your own struggles. Right. And it was very effective.
Speaker 3 (00:03:31) - Yeah. So far exit and gnosis aren't that far away because you can use it as a metaphor to illustrate hypnosis better.
Speaker 3 (00:03:39) - So we have all this kind of set of programs that we come with, and usually we don't update them or some are just stuck on the computer. So that's why it always felt that they are closer than they probably are. And yeah, I had a struggle. I was like afraid of getting vaccinations or bloods taken for more than 20 years since I was a kid, and it was super bad. I was like having panic attacks, not sleeping and fainting. It was really, really bad. So when I did my certification training, we needed to try. Of course, all the different stuff and all the techniques and a friend of mine said, oh, Jasmine, let's, let's use your phobia. And I was like, oh, sure. I'm not sure you can cure it. I've gone for two decades. And she was like, the worst thing is that you still have it. And I was like, okay, what's there to lose? I only can gain. And yeah, after 45 minutes, I was like sobbing, happy tears that it was gone.
Speaker 3 (00:04:41) - And since then, I'm a big advocate of using deep subconscious mind to resolve fears.
Speaker 2 (00:04:49) - Well, and from my personal experience, I'm someone who didn't really think I could be hypnotized or go under, as they say. But you have just a knack for relaxing the person who you're working with. And even though you might hear part of what you're saying, I remember drifting off and I couldn't remember all of it. So, But it has helped. It's helped. And it's really amazing, right? Your brain is really something. We don't know exactly how it works, of course, but the subconscious guides a lot of what we do. And when you talk about a fear of needles, which I've heard of other people definitely, who have that fear. but fear is a really common theme that I run across when I talk to salespeople, both men and women. So I know that you have some mind hacks that you can use to to ease that fear and overcome that. So why don't you tell us a little bit about.
Speaker 2 (00:05:55) - A couple of those.
Speaker 3 (00:05:57) - Yeah. So usually, we get all kind of manuals for all the different devices, like the iPhone is a super big, manual that comes open, but for the most powerful super computer where we would be back at it, which is our brain. We didn't get any manual how to use it, and we just struggle when it's not functioning the way we want it to. Like as it would be with fear or anxiety or any other behavior. Negative self-talk, imposter syndrome, insomnia, all this kind of stuff that we have, but I actually don't want to have. So there are tricks that you can use to overcome that, which is not just like hustle and grind or work harder. Love yourself more. Say ten affirmations that usually don't work because we need to address the emotion below. And you can influence that by using the body as well to change the brain. So for example, one would be just putting your hands on your heart and take a deep breath and extend the exhale.
Speaker 3 (00:07:03) - And you can sound, but usually it's way faster. It's an even bonus hack if you to the hack if you use the letters S, F, and M to extend the exhale. If you just say S, it becomes way longer. It naturally. So this is a very good one because when our brain realizes that we breathe calmly, it says, oh, we can't actually be afraid to breathe calmly. so this is a really nice one. another nice one is standing on one leg. Just lift. Lifting your foot off the ground a bit is fine. It doesn't have to be the full yoga tree, because then also your body is flying to get back into balance. And at the same time, the mind is trying to balance out the chemicals that were caused by negative emotions. So these are really great. Another one, of course, is putting on your favorite song and dancing so you can like shake it off and be in a happy mood and it brings back happy memories because your brain connects the tunes to very good time.
Speaker 3 (00:08:13) - And it can focus on two things I want time. So it brings you back to the happy state, naturally. And another nice one if you're into, like, smells, you can cut open a lemon on orange and, smell the scent. And this is like the closest link as well to, feel good and be in a happy mood.
Speaker 2 (00:08:36) - I should mention that we will be offering a cheat sheet that you can use, so you can download that. That will be in the show notes. So you can try some of these at home or wherever you are, try these for your own application. And of course Jasmine, you work with people all over the world.
Speaker 3 (00:08:56) - Yes, I do.
Speaker 2 (00:08:57) - And we did this both Steve and I, over zoom, which is pretty amazing that it even works over zoom. But I've tried some of those hacks and and how does your subconscious control the conscious part?
Speaker 3 (00:09:14) - Like the subconscious is the way bigger part of our mind and our brain. Some people use an iceberg to illustrate the way you can just see the tip above the surface.
Speaker 3 (00:09:24) - There will be the conscious mind and the way bigger part is the subconscious mind, which always listens and takes up stuff. And you figure it's so configured that it always shows you what's important, what's important to you. So that's why even if you hear your name at a party with a lot of noise, you will always pick up the name, because this for your subconscious mind is the most important word. And, so this is like where your emotion said where you anxiety said with fear said like everything basically that makes you you it's like in the subconscious mind, and the conscious mind is controlled by the subconscious mind. So a lot of self-help focuses just on the conscious mind. And that's why it's not really going deep into the surface. Or maybe just a dip into the surface, but not really down the whole iceberg. And that's per hypnotherapy and subconscious mind, what goes into because we go underneath the surface and take a look at the iceberg.
Speaker 2 (00:10:26) - One thing you said that earlier that I thought was interesting is we don't have a manual for our brain if you buy something.
Speaker 3 (00:10:34) - I didn't get the memo that.
Speaker 2 (00:10:36) - Well, I don't think anybody did. Your analogy of the iceberg is great too, because just dealing with the surface issues doesn't really change the behavior. So dealing with a subconscious mind, which really steers the conscious mind, right, is much more effective in changing your thoughts and behavior. and so let's talk we talked a little bit about fear. Another issue that comes up a lot with men and women, but I'd say especially women, is self-doubt and having an imposter syndrome. How does hypnotherapy help with that?
Speaker 3 (00:11:17) - Yeah. Often we've got this little nagging voice telling yourself, no, we're not good enough. Although we could do better. We should have done more. we could achieve more. Somebody else is doing way better. Especially if we scroll all social feeds, but also medias. We always can find somebody we compare ourselves to. So what's also very easy you would everybody can do even without going deep into hypnosis is imagine that a little more the voice you have and imagine that it is, a remote control or volume knob that you can turn.
Speaker 3 (00:11:53) - So if it comes up, you can just turn the volume down. This will be one thing. So you can just go ahead. The little boys just tries to protect you, because the only job of your brain is to keep you alive. Unfortunately, it's not there to keep you happy. That's our job. so that's one way you could also imagine giving the voice that's constantly saying the self-doubt, imposter syndrome, to give it a funny voice. Like nobody could take it seriously. If Donald Duck is saying you're not good enough or like he was, do a bad job, or you could have done better, or you're a failure. Like if Donald Duck is saying it, it's not as bad. So it's mainly taking the negative thing and dragging it out from the dark into the light and then taking a look at it. And of course, you can do it in hypnosis, because sometimes the issue is not even the issue that we think it is. So we just bring it out and take a look at it and do it in a guided way.
Speaker 3 (00:12:53) - And as you did and Steve, you did marvelously both and very easy. And it works marvelously over zoom. So all you need to do is to to listen, to sit back.
Speaker 2 (00:13:04) - And it's a very pleasant experience. You're just relaxed and it's just really a nice feeling. You feel refreshed afterwards and I highly recommend it. And we'll talk a little bit more about how you could work with Jasmine if you're interested in this, because it really does make the changes easier. And I think a lot of people I included, you're either a glass half full or glass half empty type of person. And for me, it does take a lot of work and conscious effort to you know, think those positive thoughts, be my own cheerleader, build myself up. And so those are mindset shifts that you help with. Why don't you talk about some of the other things that you help people with? I know you said fear of needles. I think you said fear of flying. What other applications are there?
Speaker 3 (00:13:58) - Yeah, I feel flying.
Speaker 3 (00:13:59) - I started with and I loved it a lot, which also crown the cable from a flying friend who was a fearful flyer. And back then I didn't have people therapy and it was like the most horrible slide. Also, for me to see her suffer and not to be able to do anything because you can't reason with fear. You can't talk yourself out of fear. that's why we need to go one level deeper to the subconscious mind to go there. So I when I got my certification, was like, oh, I know a group that needs a lot of help, which would be with your flyers. So I did that. Then Covid hit, nobody flew anymore. And I was like, there are so many others things I can still tell and teach. And that's why I now help people who want to overcome the mental fog and are caught in this self-help maze and hamster wheel of trying to improve themselves. I'm a recovering perfectionist myself, so I know all the pitfalls and learned 1 or 2 things on the way.
Speaker 3 (00:15:03) - And you can use basically for everything that the beauty of it, even if I teach it to you or like, hey, I got you got some recordings that you can listen to all over again to deepen the process. it's very easy and natural because you go into hypnosis anyway, two times per day when you wake up and when you fall asleep, like this little time before you, either awaken or fall into deep sleep, you into this kind of state where your subconscious mind is deeply open and very receptive, and that's basically all that we do.
Speaker 2 (00:15:40) - And the recording is great. So I've been listening to the recording almost every night. You have a very soothing voice. I love the fact that you say you're doing a good job. You're just you're doing it just.
Speaker 3 (00:15:53) - A good job.
Speaker 4 (00:15:55) - And probably everyone is.
Speaker 2 (00:15:57) - Doing a good a good job. So it's very reinforcing. I don't know if I mentioned to you, when we were watching a golf program, there is a gentleman named Wyndham Clark, and his game was really suffering, and he didn't use hypnotherapy, but he does use a sports psychologist, which deals with the mind.
Speaker 2 (00:16:21) - And the saying is golf is 99% mental and so many things are 99% mental. Well, when you go into. Yeah. When you're going into making a sale, your mindset is huge and you might be afraid of rejection. how do you help with that?
Speaker 3 (00:16:42) - So often we're afraid of rejection because it's still from the case many times. Well, when we lived in tribes to secure our survival, and even though we think that we're pretty much evolved now using AI or the technology that we have, our brain still hasn't really caught up with us yet. So it's still very afraid of rejection, because if your tribe would reject you and you've been outcast, like you wouldn't do very well, and worst case, you would die. So that's why often if we face fear, we have this kind of feeling. Of dying or not doing very well. And actually there was like a psychologist, Nomi Eisenberg, who did a test and she came up with and figured out that if you experienced rejection, it's in the same brain area as we experience physical pain.
Speaker 3 (00:17:38) - So that's why rejection is such a huge thing. But when it comes to sales, it's often very crucial to see that it's not you that you're rejected. And I guess maybe women take it more personally than men do. Or maybe they don't admitted that publicly. But, it's like a huge thing. So we have to figure out actually what is rejection teaching us. Like, what is it saying? Like when did when was it first the first time that it came up. so you can either if you just also take notes. It's a huge help. Often online just goes in spirals. And if you write, you invite and you can just see what comes up. Even the brain doesn't usually set a time on your phone. Five minutes. Just write everything out. And this really helps also to see what would really be the worst case and then go from there. Like what resources do I have? Who could help me with that. And then actually you dilute your rejection. And the worst case.
Speaker 3 (00:18:43) - So it's really, really helpful to, get out of your mind a lot of times and to really see what is going on. And there's not you that you're rejected and you're doing a marvelous job. And probably all moms with kids can relate that selling bad time to their kids also comes with a lot of rejection. You handle pretty widely and, same as selling dinner options to your husband and all those kind of different things. So you just see it, usually rejection that somebody doesn't like me, but it doesn't have to do with yourself. But just like, offering the same thing.
Speaker 1 (00:19:24) - Today's podcast is sponsored by the acclaimed book Unstoppable Sales Secrets How to Create an Unfair Advantage and Outsell Your Competition, by Kay Miller. If you want to make more sales, you need to read this book. We'll even get you started with a free download of the first two chapters. Go to UN Copyable sales com slash chapters to grab this offer right now.
Speaker 2 (00:19:50) - I like your point of writing things down, because when you're thinking of all these things that are wrong or you're worried about.
Speaker 2 (00:19:58) - You know, it just kind of it it expands. Right. And when you write it down, oftentimes you feel like you find out that it's just a few things. It might be 1 or 2 things. And so I really agree and I'm not always good at it. But writing it down really helps. And it condenses it into reality.
Speaker 3 (00:20:19) - And you could also like then mark what's actually within your control. Often we feel responsible for so many things, but if we take action, sometimes it's not within our control or like we feel that we have to control everything, and then we'll go back into the spiral of perfectionism, procrastination, and then actually were so afraid that we don't do anything. And then it goes back again and actually worse. So I'm really see what's within your responsibility. And I'm sure everybody has a lot of resources. And when you write it down, it helps a lot to not being, is that your schedule of time? Because if you give your brain a certain time and let's say or we deal with that on Tuesday at 5 p.m., it doesn't have to bring it up because it's it's not a loose end anymore.
Speaker 3 (00:21:09) - And when Tuesday comes around, it might not even be a problem anymore. But you give your mind the piece that you that you're tired and loose and together. And this also helps. So, if it's the manual for the brain, would have been great, but that's, what? I still love to figure out the different things.
Speaker 2 (00:21:30) - I like that because then you can say, all right, I don't have to worry about this right now. I can just let it go until Tuesday. Like you said Tuesday afternoon. That's when I will worry about these things. And meanwhile, I'm comfortable not thinking about every little detail. It's interesting that you said the brain is really here to protect us, right? And so it's natural to have the brain take us in a direction that they that it thinks will help us when sometimes it's really hurting us. Right.
Speaker 3 (00:22:04) - Yeah. So it's not I mean, I don't want to sound like a no at all because it hits me the same way. I'm just a human, too.
Speaker 3 (00:22:12) - So the only thing that I want really, your listeners to, take from this is to kind of come up with an emergency list. So to figure out things that are good for them, not including food or any other substances, but come up with a list of things you can do, like is it taking a nap? Is it gone out to go for a walk? Is it drinking more water? Is it listening to the favorite song reading? So come up with the backup list that you have. so you kind of have an emergency plan when things go sideways and test what works best for you. Everybody's different. So it's kind of your own, survival kits that comes in there.
Speaker 2 (00:23:00) - And that creates, I would say, a pattern interrupt. That's what we call it, is that you are doing something and you just kind of get into your rut, or you get into a path of thinking about a certain thing in a certain way. And if you just interrupt that pattern, a lot of times just that will get you onto a different, track.
Speaker 3 (00:23:22) - Yeah, absolutely. And as I said before, it's not about being fearless. It's about fearing less. I mean, you mentioned your book as well, your first driving lessons. And I guess, like, we all can relate to that, that this wasn't the standard moment of our lives, but we pushed through it so often. Here's a liar in your mind, doing this little whispers and trying to convince you that it would be safer because so far it kept you alive to the certain point because he didn't do the thing. But you know, you really want to drive the car, so you push through it. And, fear is not rewarding us, but action is. So that's why we often have to push through. And I'm sure you and your listeners can come up with a very long list of great things that happened because they pushed through the initial fear and got the reward on the other side.
Speaker 2 (00:24:19) - Right. And if somebody isn't familiar with my book, I do start out with a story of one of my very first sales calls, and it was a lumber yard, and I'd driven by before to get all prepared.
Speaker 2 (00:24:33) - But the day I went in to my sales call, a load of lumber had just been delivered. So there were a lot of men in hard hats, flannel shirts buzzing around the lumber yard, and I drive in and feel so out of place. I felt like every eye was on me. I drove away like a big chicken, and I felt so bad about what I'd done that I chickened out. I did go back, so I did overcome that fear. But what you do is help. Like you said, you don't take the fear all the way, but you make it easier. You give tools that will help you overcome it. And it is true. You can't really overcome fear unless you do the thing that is making you afraid. So you know, that's a big thing. So, what other mindset shifts would you say are important or things that you can deal with?
Speaker 3 (00:25:34) - Like when it. Let's go to selling since we're here to sell. often this word itself brings up a lot of fear.
Speaker 3 (00:25:42) - Like I have to sell. I have to feed my family. I have to put food on the table and to pay my bills. But the really easy thing is to just replace it. I mean, the English language has so many words instead of selling, so you could be helping somebody who could be enabling somebody. You could be caring, assisting, promoting, solving, serving. So just come up with the words that if you don't like selling, then you think of like the greasy salesman from the 80s movies and then just find another word that you love. And, I've got a great analogy to that, which really gets you maybe back into the big Y. so imagine you're out with your friends, or nothi. And, she already had her finger and it's bleeding, and you know that you have, like, band aid in your backpack, but you're just too afraid that they are not a perfect fit, that they. My. They haven't been tested. maybe they're the wrong color. And you've walked back and your friend is actually actively looking to stop her bleed and you withholding that.
Speaker 3 (00:27:03) - And you could be helping her, even if it might not be the perfect fit. But at this time, she would be really, really grateful and appreciate your service. So often we hold ourselves way back you perfectionism or we think it's not perfect, but somebody is just looking for the solution. And if we hold ourselves back, they're going to our competitor who might care less or who's not doing the quality that we have. So only when you put yourself out there, you can be seen and be of great service. And if you go back to the why you started what you're doing and what you do and care about others and not make it about yourself, it becomes way better. The story in your head as well and for your whole life. And you can take it back to the big why you started with.
Speaker 2 (00:27:53) - Well, I love your list of words that can replace the word sales, because sales does have a bad reputation.
Speaker 3 (00:28:01) - I put them in the in the cheat sheet as well so everybody can take a look what maybe feels the best for them.
Speaker 3 (00:28:07) - And then, maybe we are less selling, but more supporting and caring and, still have a great impact.
Speaker 2 (00:28:16) - Right. And and your analogy with the band aid, if your prospect has a problem and you have a solution, then it is. It's helping. It's advising. it's encouraging them so it's not, you know, forcing something down someone's throat that they don't need. You find the right prospect, as we call it, your muse, someone who is a great fit with what you offer. And then, yes, it is. It's serving and helping. And, you know, there are a lot of solopreneurs like which you are. You have your own business, so you are also selling.
Speaker 3 (00:28:55) - I'm also selling.
Speaker 2 (00:28:57) - And selling, as you said, whether you're convincing your husband of the dinner choice or a restaurant so much of our lives is selling. Whether you're selling an idea or a vision, sales applies to everything. what about visualizing success? Is that something that you talk about? I know it is.
Speaker 2 (00:29:18) - Because you talked about it in my session. So talk about just visualizing for success.
Speaker 3 (00:29:24) - Yeah. You have it also in your book. So everybody please read case a marvelous book. she has already put out great work. yeah. Visualizing your success. That, helps a lot. So because we can either imagine the worst case scenario, or we can use the same energy to imagine the best case scenario, which we actually spend less time on. So if you want to do justice to the worst case scenario, also spend the same amount emerging. The best case. And actually you will find the best case gives you way better emotions. So you can do this either way. what I have for example, which is because I'm a very visual person, some people don't. So maybe it works more for you if you, do a voice know to yourself and just say, oh, I reached just that, or write a letter to yourself where you put the date and, say, I just reached, this kind of goal.
Speaker 3 (00:30:17) - So basically, writing from your future self to your present self. So this is a great way of maybe not just using imagery of people say, I can't really sit there and imagine myself, but if you write a letter to yourself becomes very emotional and very great a support to get there. Otherwise, what I did, I photoshopped myself into photos that I want to achieve into my goals and put that on my phone, on my as my wallpaper on my lock screen. Because we look at our phones on average 100 times a day. So whenever you look at it, your subconscious mind picks it up and it helps way more to Photoshop yourself in and to all the perfectionists. It doesn't have to be pretty. It doesn't have to be nice. It just needs that your brain realizes you're in the picture and then it just goes after it, because your brain can't really distinguish between what's real and imagined. That's also what it helps. Like when you say, don't think of an orange mousse. You would always think interviews because you cannot create the negative.
Speaker 3 (00:31:22) - So just let's use that to our advantage and like Photoshop yourself into whatever dream house, dream car, dream vacation, dream body, whatever you want to achieve. So that's a very good way. And it's very easy now of all the great design tools that are out there. So you actually visualize all day long unlocking your phone without actually do an animal work.
Speaker 2 (00:31:49) - That is such a great idea, and I hope that I'm not one of the people that looks at my phone 400 times, but.
Speaker 4 (00:31:57) - Maybe I am maybe as charged as well.
Speaker 2 (00:32:00) - But that what a great idea to have that so bright and center in your life every time you look at your phone. And yes, I'm sure people can Photoshop themselves, like you said, even if it's not perfect. And visualize and imagine yourself being successful, reaching your goals, achieving your goals. Jasmine I can't believe it, but 30 minutes has gone by.
Speaker 4 (00:32:25) - Time flies away from the station.
Speaker 2 (00:32:28) - And you have given the listener and me some great specific tools that we can use.
Speaker 2 (00:32:36) - And really, even if they help a little bit or if they help in one area, you know, that could be a huge win. If you make one more sale or one more sales call. the results that come on, come from that, can really make a big difference. So as I said, we will have a cheat sheet, actually, Jasmine's cheat sheet. And you can look in the show notes and get that printed off. And then you'll have one more tool to overcome the challenges that you face in sales. So, Jasmine, thank you so much for being on the podcast. And thanks for helping Steve and I with some of our issues. I encourage anyone who's interested in diving deeper into this contact Jasmine.
Speaker 4 (00:33:22) - She has here, so I'm happy to help.
Speaker 3 (00:33:25) - I really love the stuff. And I would think about like my biggest why is also the ripple effect that it creates. If I help one other person, how do they show up? The friends? How do they show up at work? How do they show up to their family, and then what impact that actually creates? It's not just one person, it's like how it's paid for.
Speaker 3 (00:33:48) - And, that's the most amazing thing. And as you said, maybe just takes one sale more and that changes the whole directory. And this is an ongoing job as well to improve your mindset. As you said, it takes some lifting. it's like going to the gym, like we all go to get fit into the gym, but there's actually no gym for the mind. So this is an ongoing process. And thank you for putting this on and, having me here on your great podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:34:19) - Thanks for listening to this episode of Unstoppable Women in Sales, your source for secrets you can use to make more sales. Check the show notes for links and contact information. And if you enjoyed the podcast, please spread the word by subscribing, sharing and leaving a five star review. You can always learn more by going to UN Copyable Sales compered cast. Until next time, go out and supercharge your sales like a true uncomfortable rock star.